What is the attitude of the Church toward those people who are divorced & mortal sin

[Julianne]

Can you please explain why getting a divorce is a mortal sin ? I believe that God wants us to be happy no matter what, however if one was not happy in their marriage then why have they commited a mortal sin ? Wouldn't God be happier if one was to leave a marriage rather than to be living a lie in an unhappy one ? If everything happens for a reason and if Gods Grace always takes us to where we feel protected, then would he be unhappy if one was to find love and get married for the second time, especially if its considered a sin to leave one in the first place ?
Also, if one commits a mortal sin, or any for that matter, they must go and confess, however what if one wasn't sorry for the divorce ? What if one new that's exactly what they needed to do ? What if the husband was abusing or cheating on his wife ? I know the reason why he would have to confess, however I dont understand why the woman would need to confess for the man's wrong doings, especially when getting a divorce wasnt what she had planned but rather something she needed to do ? I also dont understand why the woman in this case would commit adultry if she were to marry another man ?
thank you, God Bless :)

[DavidObeid]

Hi Julianne,

Getting a civil divorce is not per se a mortal sin. If a spouse is in a position of danger (physical, emotional or spiritual) and needs to leave (for his or her sake or for the sake of any dependent children), and then for legal reasons needs to acquire a civil (ie legal) divorce then there is no sin involved. Nobody expects a spouse to stay in a dangerous situation or to keep dependent children in one.

But if a marriage is validly Sacramental, then it is not breakable in the eyes of God or the Church, even if a civil divorce has taken place. In other words, the spouses are not free to re-marry if they are validly married.

Does that help?

[Julianne]

okay I understand and you have helped thank you but the married couple isnt going to randomly get a divorce without having a reason, so what if God sees that the relationship is validly sacramental, but the married couple think otherwise ? Can that happen ?

[DavidObeid]

It can happen, but that does not make it so.

If a couple believes that there was a defect present at the time of the marriage (not something that came along afterwards), they can appeal to the Church for an annulment. This is a declaration made after careful examination that the Sacrament was not validly celebrated. Until an annulment is granted the presumption must be that the marriage is valid.

[Julianne]

okay but what if something came along after ?
are you saying that's not considered adultry because they had a civil divorce ?
I've got the copendium of the CCC in front of me and it say's 349: whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultry against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultry.
This links back to that question I asked at the beginning, If the husband decides to divorce his wife for reasons he could only understand or make, then how is it fair for the woman to suffer for the rest of her life and never re marry again, if she hadn't planned it ?

349 also says : The church manifests an attentive solicitude towards such people and encourages them to a life of faith, prayer, works of charity... however, they canno recieve sacramental absolution, take Holy Communion, or exercise ecclesial responsibilities as long as their situation, which objectively contraveness God's law, persist.
Does this mean that because they have broken Gods law, a divorced and remarried person cannot participate in the above things ? If so, I dont understand why the woman has to suffer that much just because she got re married ? I understand the punishment one recieves when they murder someone, but why the punishment in getting re married ?

[DavidObeid]

Hi Julianne,

What do you mean by "if something came along after"?

If a civil divorce has to be sought for legal reasons (for example receiving financial support) in a valid sacramental marriage it does not mean that the person is divorced in the eyes of God or the Church. They are not morally free to re-marry.

If a spouse goes into marriage believing that they can "opt out" at some point in the future if things do not work out then their marriage is never valid to begin with. For a marriage to be valid, amongst other things, the spouses need to have the intention of permanence.

With regards your question about #349 in the Compendium, if a person is validly married and then divorces and re-marries (without an annulment since the 1st marriage is valid) then they are in fact committing adultery. They already have a spouse. So if they insist on staying in the situation of their second marriage they are persisting in a state of mortal sin. They aren't being punished for getting married, they are being excluded from the Sacraments because they are committing adultery.

[Matthew]

A good book to read on this subject is GK Chesterton's "The Superstition of Divorce." Very good and always enjoyable to read.

[GilWright]

It's kind of interesting that the position of the Catholic Church on this has remained so constant over time and it mirrors what Jesus himself taught (even if you pick up a non-Catholic translation). The current support of the protestant churches for divorce is a very recent phenomenon (in Church history terms).

[Stephen Spiteri]

The current support of the protestant churches for divorce is a very recent phenomenon (in Church history terms).
They have King Henry VIII to thank for that. ;)

[Julianne]

You were saying that if the couple believes there was a problem present at the time of the marriage they can appeal for an annulment, but what if the problem comes after they are married and it is too late for an annulment? Is that possible? If they get an annulment from the first marriage, then doesn’t that mean they have cancelled the marriage like its gone..finished ? so then it should be okay to get married to someone else because they are no longer a husband or wife ?
If the marriage was never valid to begin with like you said then why are they still considered married in the eyes of God and the Church?
Also in reference to CCC text that i sent you, my aunty for example was divorced and is now married but she still recieves the Eucharist ? Is that bad ?

[DavidObeid]

OK, let's back up a bit...

If two people who are validly baptised get married in accordance with the laws of the Church their marriage is sacramental.

Now, let's say that it is discovered after some time that there was something essential to a valid marriage that was missing at the time of the wedding. For example, the wife may have been forced into the marriage, or the husband was secretly keeping a mistress on the side (these aren't the only things that invalidate a marriage, but they'll do for our example). If such a thing happens and the couple separates and gets a civil divorce they can also appeal to the Church for an annulment. The Church will examine the case, talk to witnesses, take sworn statements etc etc and if it is clear that there was something dodgy AT THE TIME OF THE WEDDING then the marriage is declared null (in other words it - the Sacrament of Matrimony - never happened).

Before I go on, do you see that there is a difference between an annulment and a divorce? The divorce is a civil declaration that the marriage is dissolved. The annulment is a declaration by the Church that the marriage was never Sacramental to begin with.

If an annulment is granted the man and woman are now free to get married to other people with the full blessing of the Church. No sin whatsoever is involved.

Now, let's say that two people get married and everything was legit at the time of the wedding. But down the track the relationship goes sour. They end up getting a civil divorce. They approach the Church and apply for an annulment. The Church examines the issue and sees that everything was legit at the time of the wedding - they were validly sacramentally married in the eyes of the Church and in the eyes of God. The Church does not have the power to declare such a marriage invalid, and so the couple is still married. The civil divorce does not mean that the Sacrament that bound them together has "gone away". They are united "until death do them part".

In such a case a re-marriage is really only an act of adultery. It is a sin, since they are already married to the first partner. It does not matter if one spouse jumps first. Neither is free to re-marry.

It means that very careful preparation and discernment needs to go into choosing a spouse. This is an area that almost nobody take seriously any more, and it results in incredible pain and heart ache, and worse still, the loss of souls.

[Julianne]

okay that makes way more sense now
thank you thank you :)